Motivational Whisperers Blog
Feb
10th
Use Your Anger to Everyone's Advantage
By Beth Banning - Communication and Relationship Expert
What's missing in most "anger management," and "anger control,"
techniques?" Well, they miss the upside of anger: how to use your
anger to create the life you truly want. No, is not about becoming
that "angry man" or "angry woman" who scares people into
submission. Here you'll find something much more enjoyable: the
secrets for getting to the heart of anger and a simple process for
using your anger to create a truly satisfying life.
Do you ever feel guilty or confused when you get angry? Do you look for reasons that justify your anger? Anger is not the problem. And guess what, neither are you. You heard right. Anger is not the problem. The problem is not being able to identify what it is that makes you angry so you can do something about it. Read on to discover how you can get the heart of anger so you can use your anger to help create the life you really want.
~~ "What makes me so angry?" ~~
We usually become angry because two things are happening. First, we believe that someone or something is preventing us from getting what we want. Second, we believe that something either should or should not be happening the way it is. This thinking focuses our attention entirely on limitation and fear.
Think about it, if all of your attention is focused on not getting what you want, and what should or shouldn't happen, how would you expect to feel? Is it any wonder this kind of thinking results in stress, tension, and confusion? How else would you feel but angry?
When you learn that all anger comes from focusing your attention on these things, then your anger can become a warning bell that you need to re-focus your attention. So that's the upside of anger: it's always a reminder to focus your attention on creating the life you want.
Here's an example: Pat was waiting for Leslie at their favorite restaurant. They agreed to meet at 7:15. After waiting for 20 minutes, Pat began to feel a little angry. "Leslie knows I hate waiting. We had an agreement. How selfish ... Not even a phone call to explain ... I'm only waiting another five minutes and then I'm leaving ..." Pat thought. And the more Pat had these thoughts, the angrier Pat felt.
Let's explore these thoughts that made Pat so angry. It sounds like Pat believes that Leslie should not be late if they had an agreement, that the evening would be ruined by Leslie's late arrival and that if people really cared about each other they would call and explain the sudden change in plans.
When you focus your attention on limitations and fear as Pat did, anger is an understandable response.
Do you ever feel guilty or confused when you get angry? Do you look for reasons that justify your anger? Anger is not the problem. And guess what, neither are you. You heard right. Anger is not the problem. The problem is not being able to identify what it is that makes you angry so you can do something about it. Read on to discover how you can get the heart of anger so you can use your anger to help create the life you really want.
~~ "What makes me so angry?" ~~
We usually become angry because two things are happening. First, we believe that someone or something is preventing us from getting what we want. Second, we believe that something either should or should not be happening the way it is. This thinking focuses our attention entirely on limitation and fear.
Think about it, if all of your attention is focused on not getting what you want, and what should or shouldn't happen, how would you expect to feel? Is it any wonder this kind of thinking results in stress, tension, and confusion? How else would you feel but angry?
When you learn that all anger comes from focusing your attention on these things, then your anger can become a warning bell that you need to re-focus your attention. So that's the upside of anger: it's always a reminder to focus your attention on creating the life you want.
Here's an example: Pat was waiting for Leslie at their favorite restaurant. They agreed to meet at 7:15. After waiting for 20 minutes, Pat began to feel a little angry. "Leslie knows I hate waiting. We had an agreement. How selfish ... Not even a phone call to explain ... I'm only waiting another five minutes and then I'm leaving ..." Pat thought. And the more Pat had these thoughts, the angrier Pat felt.
Let's explore these thoughts that made Pat so angry. It sounds like Pat believes that Leslie should not be late if they had an agreement, that the evening would be ruined by Leslie's late arrival and that if people really cared about each other they would call and explain the sudden change in plans.
When you focus your attention on limitations and fear as Pat did, anger is an understandable response.
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