For many, the most challenging assertiveness skill is saying "no" with confidence. Knowing that it's the "right" choice when a situation requires it.  Some may feel threatened by a loss of respect, love, responsibility or take on guilt when saying "no" to someone at home or work.  It is possible to say "no" with confidence and style  following these five key points:


1.      Be honest and direct.
2.      Don't make excuses
3.      Remember that saying "no" shows respect.
4.      Not saying no when it is indicated (by your circumstance and intuition) can cause even worse damage than acting yes.
5.      Listen to your  intuition about saying no and do not  let positive opportunities pass you by by automatically saying no!

We are raised to please people and we need to be sensitive to their feelings.  However, we also have responsibilities to ourselves including respecting our own boundaries- with time, energy and whatever is being asked. 


When  there are overlaps of responsibilities and gray areas of relationships that is fertile ground for conflict.  So, before saying "no" ask yourself how you would feel if the person in question turned you down and consider an honest explanation vs. an all out rejection. 


When we feel we are "sacrificing" in helping, we develop resentment.  It's important to remember that whatever is asked of us is not "the fault" of the person asking and that saying "no" with confidence and style can save a relationship rather than ruining it.

 
 

I help people understand when to say no  with  confidence and style! 

Complimentary telephone consult 516 623 4353  www.balanceandpower.com

Many formulas for success are going around. Decades of experience working with clients and "on" myself have proven over and over again that these are five necessary components of a powerful success formula for optimal happiness and productivity.

Research on this topic also states the following components are crucial for success: 1. Access your Intuition 2. Trust your intuition 3. Communicate assertively 4. Listen well 5. Take action We are all born with intuition so a challenge may be to learn to access that and trust yourself about it!


Personal challenges often arise including negative thinking or simply not trusting "the answers" that come up for you. You may accelerate your learning curve by quieting your mind so that you "hear" or intuit right choices. Develop patience and be aware of not acting "on impulse".

Practice "saying no" to create positive space for yourself and learn how to communicate assertively (not passively or aggressively). Hone your listening skills - to others as well as yourself! And finally, take action when you know the time is right (your intuition will tell you when:)), and without procrastinating- which is always fear based and ditch perfectionism to accomplish something meaningful and "on target."


Anyone with the intention to change and succeed, with guidance can successfully SOAR! with Resilience® I can help you create success and accountability with the success challenges outlined above. My telephone consult-strategy mini session is FREE! eileen@balanceandpower.com      516 623 4353     Balance & Power, Inc.

Many   competent people "self-sabotage" themselves every day by overreacting emotionally and hurting their relationships — both at work and at home.  They stay stuck in habits that hurt them, such as procrastination,  disorganization, avoiding conflict ... the list goes on and on.

 On the other end of the spectrum,  professionals can respond to adversity with a level head — even if they're ready to "blow a fuse".  

 Often what they do differently is adapt to workplace changes — even those that are tough to swallow and stick with difficult challenges when solutions don't come easily.  They follow through on plans  in order to turn "good intentions" into reality ... and meet more goals.  They are able to develop the steady self-control it takes to stand up for yourself and deal with conflicts positively and break on-the-job habits that hurt you, like procrastination, disorganization, and others.

You can bring more discipline into your personal and professional life by creating healthier routines and relationships.  Maybe you are stuck - and either don't have "a clue" or have many "clues" and don't know what to do.  Here are a few ways to create a better emotional relationship with yourself-  which will surely transfer to others- just give these a try:)!:

 

• Write down three things - people - situations you are grateful for each day
• Write personal affirmations and place them on your dashboard , on computer and in the bathroom
• Practice effective communication- be assertive v. reactive
• Leave the scene, when possible if you find your stress/frustration/anger quotient rising and take a "time-out" to do any of the above! and/or punch the ceiling,
  go into the car and scream, do EFT (emotional freedom techniques, tapping)
• Practice relaxation and/or meditation on a regular basis 
   
  
   
• Exercise often
• Enjoy nature
• Have fun! and Smile :) 
• Eat and sleep well

 

All the best with this- it takes determination, perseverance and internal motivation to succeed at anything.  Trust that these techniques help and practice them~ and then write your own success story!  I'm listening...
when you contact me for a complimentary consult 

BalanceandPower
 

Relationships are really important and basic to how you feel- aren't they?
Building strong relationships at home, with family, friends and at work are key to our well being and stress levels.  Good relationships correlate with happiness and productivity.   High stress and anger levels impact on all relationships and vice versa! Perhaps you have a toxic relationship going and need some coaching to feel empowered to let it go or to change it up. Remember, you must have an intention to change your own patterns; it is impossible to change someone else's.  However, you can be a great role model or mentor.
                                                                   

Relationship coaching is intended to help people in any relationship such as married couples, unmarried couples, family members or  co-workers.   A relationship is always, like our lives, in a state of movement and change. A relationship coach  helps you maximize that change in a positive way, places you more in control of it and of how you feel.  Looking at events and what a person says in a different way, understanding different styles of communication and behavior and creating  new perspectives and reframing some negative situations can help you reconnect with the positive aspects in a  relationship and empower you to let go of the old patterns and perhaps, the relationship.

My journey as a Peak Performance Success Coach (certified in Life and Career Coaching) and a Certified Anger Management Specialist has brought me into the role of helping individuals, couples, families and business teams into moving forward and building strong relationships where perhaps there was only negativity and discord before.  

I offer a comlimentary telephone or Skype consult:  www.balanceandpower.com   516 623 4353

Lately I've been hearing a lot about how to make empoyees happy or  "climate control" in the workplace when the topic of managing stress in the workplace comes up.  Climate control is more about prevention and creating a productive, creatve haven:

• Creating a great environment that is fun to work in; ie Steve Jobs and also  the Tony Hsieh model of Zappos fame, written about in "Delivering Happiness"
• Rewarding employees for superior work
• Giving employees extra training and education: Communication and How to Deal with Difficult People,   Maintaining Focus through Chaotic Times and the like. 
• Providing space on site to "chill" and a meditation room

 

  Learn more about how Eileen's techniques can benefit your workplace environment: 

                      

Subscribe To The 
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Newsletter

When you sign up for this newsletter you will receive FREE downloads of Eileen’s Moving Meditation® Fitness relaxation sequences. 

 Is there really a simple formula for happiness? Gratitude is an often overlooked yet powerful approach to increasing positive emotions.  Over the past 2 decades scientists have discovered many nuances for using gratitude as a tool for affecting your physical and emotional health.  When you  learn to shift from a negative or neutral emotional state into a positive one and learn to FEEL grateful rather than just think about gratitude, you are on your way to happiness.

Let's say you've mastered gratitude- or think that you have- yet you are  restless, impatient, frustrated...

What gives? What do you need to do to master happiness? What do you need to feel inner peace? Being grateful is important- and to complete the simple formula for happiness there are the additional modern challenges of

• releasing stress

• being in the moment-mindful 

•   understanding  your anger triggers 
  

•  communicating effectively and  appropriately

• acknowledging when you need help and asking for it 

 I offer a complimentary telephone consult   

Find out about my services and master this equation!

 

"Practicing mindfulness of gratitude consistently leads to a direct experience of being connected to life and the realization that there is a larger context in which your personal story is unfolding. Being relieved of the endless wants and worries of your life's drama, even temporarily, is liberating. Cultivating thankfulness for being part of life blossoms into a feeling of being blessed, not in the sense of winning the lottery, but in a more refined appreciation for the interdependent nature of life. It also elicits feelings of generosity, which create further joy. Gratitude can soften a heart that has become too guarded, and it builds the capacity for forgiveness, which creates the clarity of mind that is ideal for spiritual development."     - Philipp Moffitt, Selfless Gratitude

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.   It turns what we have
into enough, and more.  It turns denial into acceptance, chaos
to order, confusion to clarity.  It can turn a meal into a feast, 
a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.  Gratitude makes
sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a 
vision for tomorrow."  -Melody Beattie

I've asked around; everyone knows the definition of hassled and mellow. However, not many are able to transition from hassled to mellow in a short time and without doing damage- emotionally and/or physically.  An example of a smaller issue someone can stress over is finding kitchen cabinets open all the time.

 

You may say- that's nothing- just close them..OK, but when that small stressor accumulates emotionally, stuff can happen- both in your body and confrontationally with the "culprit".

 

Here's a bigger example that we all can relate to- stuck in traffic-late to begin with-and worst case- cell is not in the car with you (perhaps on kitchen table or in another bag?).  And how about not saving something on the computer and its suddenly disappears after spending almost an hour writing.

 

Sometimes the impatience-frustration-anger is directed inward and sometimes at others.  No matter to our adrenalin, cortisol and muscle tension levels, which are now way up and needing to be released.  Easier said than done..

Here are 5 easy way to transition from hassled to mellow- just give yourself and others a chance!:

• Relaxation Breathing at least 3 times with exra release: Breathe deeply in through your nose and out mouth, strong and longer exhale than inhale.
• Leave when possible and try stronger physical releases: **silent scream, progressive muscle relaxation**, walk, exercise.
• Do something fun- or at least differently with a smile/forced positive outlook.
• Listen to music of the genre you want to feel like.
• Communicate when others as necessary from the "I" place without blame or judgement.
• Learn EFT and use it on the spot when possible and frequently there after until the issue no longer upsets you.

 

** Free audio gifts when you sign up for my newsletter for more tips on transition from hasseled to mellow and get free audio gift that will guide you into a feeling of balance.:

 Perhaps you need help implementing these steps. Call me for a complimentary telephone consul :516 623 4353  contact me

You may find additional strategies to manage stress and anger in my book 

SOAR! with Resilience™   

I have added a wonderful tool to my coaching toolbox: Anger Management with EFT (emotional freedom techniques, meridian tapping).
We cannot deny our emotions as they are part of what makes us human.   However, we can change the patterns, triggers and ways that we express them.  We are not the victim of our emotions. There are patterns to every emotion that, if we can identify them, we can interrupt the pattern and change our behavior with EFT before it causes extreme damage in relationship or to society.

We each have a pattern of anger.  Some of us express it when it is still small. Some push it down so deep, too scared to express it, and  experience it as disease.  And some bottle it up until it bursts  like a volcano surprising everyone with the intensity.  These individuals sometimes do not even
have a clue that anything was wrong.

I’m going to focus on the last pattern, as this is what has happened with many of my clients, or with their partners or ex'es.   The latter played the victim and need help with self-esteem issues.   As children, some of the angry adults had been labeled as having “a bad temper”.  Let's take a look at how this pattern of anger develops.

Sometimes the anger has been brewing throughout the day from one incident early in the day which is annoying. Another a little later on that added fuel to the fire.  So when receiving one more perceived assault, even an actually minor one, anger powerfully unloads, usually misdirected.  Or, perhaps, one individual is  progressively "getting to" the other in a negative way by "nagging", being judgemental, overprotective,  jealous, to name a few.  That keeps happening until a "last straw" is reached.

When the anger outburst prone individual  takes a "time-out"   to apply EFT at the first perceived slight, the first inkling of annoyance or frustration and  is able to get deep into and under the anger then the anger outburst prone individual may be able to voice  concerns with out the associated outburst.

Here is an  Anger Management EFT script that I hope will help you or a loved one as it has helped my clients change an anger pattern.  First you need to start with how you feel in yourself about the anger. Start and continue tapping on the EFT tapping points  while saying the phrases:

Karate Chop:	I was so angry that I can’t accept myself. I’m disappointed in myself. I should be better than this. They didn’t deserve to be the brunt of my anger. I feel so ugly and ashamed at what I did. I don’t know if I will ever be able to change this. I feel like I have no control over my anger. I don’t know if I can ever accept myself when I can get so angry.
Head:	This anger feels more powerful than me
Eyebrows:	I don’t feel like I can control it
Side of Eyes:	Part of me likes the feeling of power that comes with the anger
Under Eyes:	Part of me is so ashamed
Under Nose:	I can’t really accept myself when I can get this angry
Chin Point:	I remember the look on their faces when I was angry
Collarbones:	The fear in their faces, I don’t want them to be afraid of me
Under Arms:	I’m so afraid that the damage done can’t be undone. I don’t know if I deserve to be free of this guilt
Wrist Points:	I don’t believe anyone can really love me when I have this anger within me; I can’t really love myself when I know it’s there.

Continue to tap for a few rounds to cover everything you feel and say about and to yourself about how you behaved.

Now we will use EFT to work on the pattern around the anger.

Karate Chop:	Even though it feels like I have no control over my anger, I choose to notice the way it develops. I have a pattern of anger than can be changed. Even though I have a habit of being angry, I choose to bring to my conscious mind the way my anger develops, so that I can heal it.
Head:	What is the first thing that happens in my body when I’m starting to feel angry?
Eyebrows:	What do I say to myself that tells me I’m getting angry?
Side of Eyes:	Where in my body do I notice the fire of my anger building?
Under Eyes:	There are a number of steps to my anger and I choose to pay attention and notice them
Under Nose:	What is the very first thing that happens that tells me I’m getting angry
Chin Point:	I give my self permission to stop a conversation when I notice the first indicators of anger so that I can do some EFT and deal with the feeling
Collarbones:	As I notice my anger pattern, I gain power over it
Under Arms:	There are a number of things that occur before my anger bursts out, and I choose to notice each of them
Wrist Points:	This pattern has been unconscious until now but I’m making it conscious so that I can change it.

Notice  how your anger builds helps to unravel the mystery of full blown explosions that nobody sees coming. You then have the ability to notice what is triggering your anger and clear those individual triggers. Maybe it’s a tone of voice or a look you receive which starts to get you angry. So do some tapping on the trigger e.g.

Karate Chop:	I felt put down by their sarcastic tone of voice. I felt put down and disrespected by their tone of voice. It reminds me of being talked down to as a child. I don’t want to be talked to like that because I’m now an adult
Head:	Feeling talked down to like a child
Eyebrows:	Feeling disrespected
Side of Eyes:	That tone of voice that gets me angry
Under Eyes:	I want to release all reference events for this trigger
Under Nose:	I’m clearing this trigger for my anger
Chin Point:	That tone of voice that still gets me angry
Collarbones:	I won’t let anyone talk to me that way
Under Arms:	I want to stand up for myself without having to get angry. I am an adult who can express myself
Wrist Points:	As I clear this trigger, I beginning to accept myself even more.

There may be more than one trigger to your anger so continue to tap on each trigger that contributes to your anger pattern.

You may still have shame, guilt, and regret about what happened so here is a final round to do some more clearing.

Karate Chop:	Even though I’m still ashamed at getting so angry, I’m beginning to accept myself. Even though I regret what I did and wish that I could go back and change things, I’m open to accepting myself and the mistakes I made as part of being human. I’m doing my best to improve my behavior, identifying patterns of anger, and clearing the triggers.
Head:	Remaining shame for what happened
Eyebrows:	Remaining regret for how I said what I did
Side of Eyes:	Remaining sadness at the hurt I caused
Under Eyes:	Remaining shame, regret, and sadness
Under Nose:	I choose to notice my anger patterns and diffuse them as soon as I do
Chin Point:	I choose to be forgiving of myself as I do my best to change my behavior
Collarbones:	I’m glad I know how to tap so that I can clear my anger patterns
Under Arms:	I’m learning to access the power within my anger and express it in constructive ways
Wrist Points:	I’m noticing and celebrating even the smallest of improvements in my behavior and I’m becoming even more loving and accepting of myself.

 

This tapping session is an in depth exploration and release of negative feelings that are often surrounding angry outbursts.  You may need further guidance; this may have only opened a door and there is still lots more to acknowledge and release, which is what EFT is about.  Contact me to arrange a complimentary consult for sessions via video skype, telephone, or face to face in Long Island or Queens, NY.  I incorporate EFT into my  Anger-Stress Management Groups at several locations in Long Island and Queens and am certified by the US Courts as an Anger Management Specialist.

Many   competent people "self-sabotage" themselves every day by overreacting emotionally and hurting their relationships — both at work and at home-- and by staying stuck in habits that hurt them, such as procrastination, overeating, disorganization, avoiding conflict ... the list goes on and on.

 Many professionals, on the other hand, manage well, because they have figured out how to stop self-sabotage or have never done that in the first place.  They respond with a level head — even if  ready to "blow a fuse" and usually can

• Adapt to workplace changes — even those that are tough to swallow
• Stick with difficult challenges when solutions don't come easily
• Follow through on plans ... turn "good intentions" into reality ... and meet more goals
• Develop the steady self-control it takes to stand up for yourself and deal with conflicts positively
• Break on-the-job habits that hurt you, like procrastination, disorganization, and others

You can bring more discipline into your personal and professional life by creating healthier routines and relationships.  Maybe you are stuck - and either don't have "a clue" or have many "clues" and don't know what to do.

Here are a few ways to create a better emotional relationship with yourself- and that will surely transfer to others- just give these a try:)!:

• Write down three things - people - situations you are grateful for each day
• Write personal affirmations and place them on your dashboard , on computer and in the bathroom
• Practice effective communication- be assertive v. reactive
• Leave the scene, when possible if you find your stress/frustration/anger quotient rising and take a "time-out" to do any of the above! and/or punch the ceiling, go into the car and scream, do EFT (emotional freedom techniques, tapping)
• Practice relaxation and/or meditation on a regular basis
• Exercise often
• Enjoy nature
• Have fun! and Smile :)
• Eat and sleep well

All the best with this- it takes determination, perseverance & internal motivation to succeed at anything.  Trust that these techniques help and practice them~ and then write your own success story!  I'm listening...