Motivational Whisperers

The only healthy communication style is assertive communication.- Jim Rohn

Do you have people in your life bossing you around, telling you what to do?
Have you had it up to your neck but you're afraid to speak up for your needs?

Many years ago I was afraid to say what was on my mind in my personal relationships because I felt I might lose my cool and blow my top. The reason is I habitually kept my anger bottled up for very long periods of time.  

Where did that come from?  I grew up learning to be compliant so I wouldn't be punished. No matter how I was rebelling inside I didn't let it show. I was in fact demonstrating unhealthy patterns of communication, being mostly passive and sometimes aggressive.

When we choose to communicate in unhealthy ways we are prone to harbouring resentment, frustration and anger. We may even be carrying a lot of rage inside that we turn on ourselves. We may find ourselves depressed, avoiding social situations and experiencing poor relationships.

Thankfully there's a very effective way to communicate which will allow you to be heard ...  

It's about expressing your feelings and thoughts in a way that is respectful.  It's called assertiveness and demonstrates high self-esteem and self-confidence. 

The first tip is to recognize your assertive rights such as the right to be treated with respect and the right to express your feelings.

Next, stop and think about what's happening and how you want to Respond instead of react.

Third, create an I statement which reflects what feelings you want to express and what action you want from the other person. Example "I feel upset when you shout at me. In future I would like you to speak to me in a calm voice."

Fourth, practice what you want to say in front of a mirror or with an imaginary person before confronting the real situation.
 
Five, breathe, relax, stay calm and make eye contact while expressing yourself.

Warm Regards,
Lorna Blake

 

LJ Empowerment Consulting

Empowerment Specialist & Radio Show Host

http://dld.bz/hZRx  

416 693-7347

Visit us on the web and sign up to receive our newsletter Empower Yourself News at

www.mpowerurself.com

Email me: lorna@lornablake.com

Follow me on Twitter: www.twitter.com/lornab09

Catch me on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/lornamblake 

Empower Yourself! Transform Your Life! Have Fun!

 

Almost every day I encounter extraordinarily talented women who are:

• experiencing blocks in sharing their gifts with the world because they don’t feel that what they have to say, what they have to share is 'enough'
• afraid of going for the promotion that could be theirs because they’re too afraid of speaking up and asking for what they want
• yearning for the respect of their husbands/partners, children, families, co-workers, bosses, and their peers
• longing to burst forth from restrictive circumstances but they are afraid of appearing demanding, rude, and aggressive

You are not alone and you don’t have to hide your brilliance! You don’t have to stifle your voice! 

This course is for you if you are ready to:

• step up and say YES to YOUR NEEDS and WANTS
• discover your inner strength and LET YOUR LIGHT SHINE
• STOP communicating in an agressive or passive manner and begin communicating your wants and needs ASSERTIVELY 
• communicate for success in ALL OF YOUR RELATIONSHIPS
• ACHIEVE THE SUCCESS YOU’VE LONGED FOR
• gain the SELF-WORTH, SELF-CONFIDENCE, and SELF-ESTEEM you’ve been dreaming of!
• learn how to EXPRESS YOURSELF EFFECTIVELY whether it’s for a job interview or when talking with clients

 Register now for  The Assertiveness Basics E-Course your 6 week guide to Personal Power and Transformation! 

Group coaching starts on Wednesday, September 29, 2010.

Sign up by Midnight Friday, September 24, 2010 and you will receive the early bird discount!  Plus my SPECIAL BONUS GIFT "How to Communicate for Success in All Your Relationships." An interview with me from the Empowered Women Telesummit Series.  

Register now http://mpowerurself.com/assertiveness.html

That's what we covered in our group coaching call tonight and the interaction was live!! Participants felt "the scenarios were powerful and very helpful!"

Here's the link to register
http://tinyurl.com/2axx88m

Do you know if you're living your own life or someone else's?
Ready to eliminate habits that are keeping you stuck?
Want to know how to develop a community of support?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions join us Wednesday July 28 at 8 pm EST on our group coaching call! 

Click on the link to register! 
See you on the call!

http://www.mpowerurself.com/assertiveness.html 
 

Just wrapped a very powerful group coaching call! Participants are beginning to experience amazing breakthroughs!

One participant said: "The concept of apologizing to myself is unique... I embrace it and I'm going to try it this week!"
Here's the link to register:

http://www.mpowerurself.com/assertiveness.html

Warm Regards,
Lorna Blake

 

LJ Empowerment Consulting

Empowerment Specialist & Speaker

Visit us on the web and sign up to receive our newsletter Empower Yourself News at

www.mpowerurself.com

Email me: lorna@lornablake.com

Follow me on Twitter: www.twitter.com/lornab09

Empower Yourself! Transform Your Life! Have Fun!

 

The summer is here and it's a time when many go off to play. And that's okay...
But the really cool students use this time to learn and gear up for the fall so they can create even more success in their lives for the rest of the year and beyond!
So for you really cool students, guess what?

You are invited to enroll in an 
extraordinary Summer School geared specifically towards your unique needs as a woman. 

http://tinyurl.com/2wst9g8

Whether you're an entrepreneur, a would-be entrepreneur, a career woman or a woman ready to "super-charge" her life for more success...

Communication is the key to success in every area of your life!
It's something all of us encounter... You're told you simply need to be great at whatever it is you do and the rest will be taken care of. Right?

Sigh. If only.

In addition to being great at what you do, you need to know about all sorts of other things including:
How to Increase Your Personal Power
How to Get Rid of Self-Sabotage for Good
How to Gain Credibility in Your Area of Expertise
How to Build and Maintain Great Relationships

Wouldn't it be great if you could just go to one place and 
learn everything you needed to know?  

Well now there is such a course!  

Click here to register http://tinyurl.com/2wst9g8

Learning how to communicate for success will give you the extra edge you need to thrive and that's what you get with The Assertiveness Basics E-Course! 

In this e-Course you will discover How to:

• Communicate in assertive ways!
• Negotiate difficult situations!
• Own your anger without allowing your emotions to control you! Acknowledge and respect your feelings!
• Gain the respect of colleagues, competitors, loved one and friends!
• Develop a community of support!

And that’s just a fraction of what you’ll discover inside this e-course. Here's what else:

	6 LIVE weekly Webinars / Phone calls
	Unlimited Email Support for 2 months with me
	6 Weekly Lessons delivered directly to your email in-box
	6 Weekly Audio downloads

Go here to Register http://tinyurl.com/2wst9g8
 
This course is practice-based and for a limited time I'm offering you group coaching time with me for 6 weeks at an affordable price $149! 

This Summer Communication Course for Women begins 
Wednesday, July 14, and runs  for six weeks. Get this 
written into your calendar now!  

"See" you in class!  

 

What an awesome time was had by all: speakers and participants alike!
June 30 at 2 pm EST we heard from Angela Karanja, a motivational entertainer and educator on: "How to Parent Our Children to Greatness in Just Five Minutes a Day!" To give you a flavour for this inspiring woman, she grew up in very impoverished conditions in Kenya and is the survivor of many forms of abuse. Today, Angela champions the cause of children everywhere. She's also the author of a children's book,"Safari in the Land of Landu", which has been endorsed by Bob Proctor of  The Secret!

One participant said this about Angela's call:
I really like that Angela encourages parents to tell their children they are loved and to love themselves. I love her warmth and wisdom!" 

At 8 pm EST Lorna Blake rounded out the series sharing: "How to Communicate for Success in All Your Relationships!" She offered insight on what assertive communication is compared to aggressive communication and gave tips and strategies to help listeners communicate for a win-win.

Here's what one participant got from the call with Lorna:
"Lorna, I came to a powerful understanding while listening to you speak about assertiveness being very different from aggressiveness. Assertiveness is our personal power and aggressiveness is our ego operating from fear. Thank you for this insight. I knew instantly of places in my own life that I have operated from aggression and look to implementing some of the strategies that you have recommended." 

There were lots of give-aways and prizes from event sponsors as the series came to an end. Some lucky participants won LOA MP3s, women's magazines and one participant was gifted with one year presence advertising in a magazine valued at $300!

While the summit's ended you can still get your copy of Lorna's Empowered Women Telesummit Series Recordings here: 

http://tinyurl.com/39z6t3o

When you purchase these awesome recordings you'll receive amazing bonuses including Vicki Hanna Lein's MP3 audio "Progress Not Perfection" and Farhana Dhalla's amazing book "Thank You for Leaving Me" in e-book format!


 

Addressing issues can be challenging for many of us. Many times we either ‘fight’ or ‘fly’ depending on how we were raised and how we saw our families of origin deal with conflict. ‘Fighting’ and ‘flying’ both lead to alienation and are aggressive and passive behaviors respectively.

 

When we are passive in dealing with conflict we may feel powerless to change what we consider a ‘hostile dynamic’ so we react by withdrawing, retreating or hiding. This often results in blocks to communication. On the other side of the spectrum by acting aggressively to address conflict we react in a way that’s scary and intimidating to others. As a result we stand to alienate those with whom we interact.

 

One of the most empowering ways I know to communicate around conflict is by using assertive behaviors. Using assertive strategies allows us to respond rather than react and we build mutual respect and intimacy rather than alienation.

 

Becoming assertive requires a very conscious shift in our mindset. We must first recognize that we have rights. This is fundamental to changing unhealthy relationship dynamics and gaining the respect we desire in our interactions with others.

 

1. Recognize your rights.

 Assertive people know they have the right to:

 

• Be treated with respect
• Express their own opinion, feelings, thoughts
• Say no
• Decide for themselves what they want
• Make mistakes
• Be themselves

 

2.  Assess what’s  happening. Determine how to respond assertively rather than react to the situation. Whenever possible take a deep breath, think about what you’re going to say and how you’re going to say it.  Where possible, write down what you’re planning to say and practice. It’s best to discuss the issue with the other person when you’re calm and in control of your emotions.

 

3.  Express how you feel using “I statements”. Take responsibility for your own feelings.  For example, “I feel upset when you shout at me.”

4. Focus on future action instead of on the situation that just occurred.  For example, “In future I would like you to speak to me in a calm voice.”

 

5.  If you feel you’re still not being heard, you may try the technique of ‘escalating’.

Use your hand like a stop sign, stand in your power and in a firm voice say: “I would like you to stop…”  Pause for effect.

 

If you’re still not being heard say something like: “I have asked you to stop and it seems you’re not listening. If you choose to continue I’m going to be forced to ….” (leave the room, stop communicating with you until you are willing to be respectful, etc).  Choose an action that makes sense in the situation and follow through with what you say you’re going to do if you’re not being heard.

 

5. Seek Respect.  Your goal is not to be liked.  It’s to be respected. Once you understand this you can begin to express your feelings and open the lines of communication with people you interact with.  This creates greater intimacy and mutual respect in your relationships…