Is there really a simple formula for happiness? Gratitude is an often overlooked yet powerful approach to increasing positive emotions.  Over the past 2 decades scientists have discovered many nuances for using gratitude as a tool for affecting your physical and emotional health.  When you  learn to shift from a negative or neutral emotional state into a positive one and learn to FEEL grateful rather than just think about gratitude, you are on your way to happiness.

Let's say you've mastered gratitude- or think that you have- yet you are  restless, impatient, frustrated...

What gives? What do you need to do to master happiness? What do you need to feel inner peace? Being grateful is important- and to complete the simple formula for happiness there are the additional modern challenges of

• releasing stress

• being in the moment-mindful 

•   understanding  your anger triggers 
  

•  communicating effectively and  appropriately

• acknowledging when you need help and asking for it 

 I offer a complimentary telephone consult   

Find out about my services and master this equation!

 

"Practicing mindfulness of gratitude consistently leads to a direct experience of being connected to life and the realization that there is a larger context in which your personal story is unfolding. Being relieved of the endless wants and worries of your life's drama, even temporarily, is liberating. Cultivating thankfulness for being part of life blossoms into a feeling of being blessed, not in the sense of winning the lottery, but in a more refined appreciation for the interdependent nature of life. It also elicits feelings of generosity, which create further joy. Gratitude can soften a heart that has become too guarded, and it builds the capacity for forgiveness, which creates the clarity of mind that is ideal for spiritual development."     - Philipp Moffitt, Selfless Gratitude

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.   It turns what we have
into enough, and more.  It turns denial into acceptance, chaos
to order, confusion to clarity.  It can turn a meal into a feast, 
a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.  Gratitude makes
sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a 
vision for tomorrow."  -Melody Beattie

In these challenging times the principles for manifesting abundance need to be honed, shared and practiced more than ever.   The Law of Attraction and related teachings, including those found in EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) 

 State the importance in being specific in what you ask for.  For instance, the naming of the area in life or career that you are interesting in manifesting abundance in, with specific intentions as to what you are seeking will facilitate the process. 

Your  intention for manifesting abundance must be high energy with positive words and images and may include specific numerical figures.  The importance of using high energy positive language is because your subconscious  picks up on the negative word, no matter what context you use. 

We manifest abundance by letting it in and releasing resistance which may show itself in the form of fear, anger and shutting down.   The process is similar to prater, with more personal involvement.  We must be aware and alert to change and notice when circumstances/conditions are right for manifesting abundance- and then take action!

 Here are a few "mantras" that can be used with visualization:

• let abundance into the area of...
• allow $$ __ to flow freely into my life..
• allow love into my life and allow me to send it out
• allow me to stay focused in my ___ work..

 

EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) is a technique-tool for manifesting abundance.  An example of an effective set-up phrase with the EFT "choice method":

 

"Even though I am struggling with financial issues, I choose to manifest abundance in the form of  attracting several(  2-5) thousand dollars per week into my career."

 

After tapping the points for three sets you will notice your perception of the concept of manifesting this specific abundance skyrocket!!

 

Since I've been been meditating and tapping with the art of manifesting abundance, I've seen amazing results as have my clients.  It is equally important to surround yourself with supportive, high energy, positive people!

 

If you believe all this is true and find yourself procrastinating in taking steps to manifest abundance, then it is a sign that one or more of these fears are influencing you:

• fear of judgement
• fear of failure
• fear of success
• fear of being controlled.

 

 View to overcome procrastination and  start manifesting abundance now!!

 

 

I've asked around; everyone knows the definition of hassled and mellow. However, not many are able to transition from hassled to mellow in a short time and without doing damage- emotionally and/or physically.  An example of a smaller issue someone can stress over is finding kitchen cabinets open all the time.

 

You may say- that's nothing- just close them..OK, but when that small stressor accumulates emotionally, stuff can happen- both in your body and confrontationally with the "culprit".

 

Here's a bigger example that we all can relate to- stuck in traffic-late to begin with-and worst case- cell is not in the car with you (perhaps on kitchen table or in another bag?).  And how about not saving something on the computer and its suddenly disappears after spending almost an hour writing.

 

Sometimes the impatience-frustration-anger is directed inward and sometimes at others.  No matter to our adrenalin, cortisol and muscle tension levels, which are now way up and needing to be released.  Easier said than done..

Here are 5 easy way to transition from hassled to mellow- just give yourself and others a chance!:

• Relaxation Breathing at least 3 times with exra release: Breathe deeply in through your nose and out mouth, strong and longer exhale than inhale.
• Leave when possible and try stronger physical releases: **silent scream, progressive muscle relaxation**, walk, exercise.
• Do something fun- or at least differently with a smile/forced positive outlook.
• Listen to music of the genre you want to feel like.
• Communicate when others as necessary from the "I" place without blame or judgement.
• Learn EFT and use it on the spot when possible and frequently there after until the issue no longer upsets you.

 

** Free audio gifts when you sign up for my newsletter for more tips on transition from hasseled to mellow and get free audio gift that will guide you into a feeling of balance.:

 Perhaps you need help implementing these steps. Call me for a complimentary telephone consul :516 623 4353  contact me

You may find additional strategies to manage stress and anger in my book 

SOAR! with Resilience™   

Myth #1: Anger is inherited

Research has indicated that people are not born with set, specific ways of expressing anger.  These studies show that because the expression of anger is learned behavior, more appropriate ways of expressing anger can be learned.

Myth #2:  Anger Automatically Leads to Aggression

It is a misconception that athe only way to express anger is through aggression.  Effective anger management involves controlling the escalation of anger by learning assertiveness skills, changing negative and hostile "self-talk", challenging irrational beliefs and implementing a variety of behavioral strategies.

Myth #3: People Must Be Aggressive to Get What They Want

Many people confuse assertiveness with aggression.  The goal of aggression is to dominate, intimidate, harm or injure another person- to win at any cost.  Conversely, the goal of assertiveness is to express feelings of anger in a way that is respectful of other people. 

Myth #4  Venting Anger Is Always Desirable
Anger is learned and can easily become a routine, predictable response, an inappropriate pattern, to a variety of situations,  resulting in negative consequences.  Venting anger in an aggressive way reinforces aggressive behavior.

  BREAK  THE ANGER HABIT!  An awareness must be developed of the events, circumstances and behaviors that "trigger" your anger.  In addition to becoming aware of anger, you need to learn and develop strategies to manage your ANGER AND STRESS: http://www.balanceandpower.com/events.php

I am a Certified Anger Management Specialist with offices in Long Island, NY and have sessions via Video SKYPE and telephone.
Complimentary Consult: 516 623 4353
http://www.balanceandpower.com/angermanagement.php    
 

Yes, there are many questions to ask yourself for effective anger management. Try this one first, known in the field of anger management  as "The Big Question" when you find yourself in a difficult situation.

First, tap in to your "evolved brain",  (versus your "primitive brain"    described below.)  You can do this by pausing and having the intention to do this and asking yourself the "Big Question":

"What do I really want/need in this situation for me to be happy and healthy in the long run?" 

 Simply by asking this question  you move out of your primitive brain and into the evolved, rational part.  So you need to know what you need to be OK and it must be something you give yourself, not what another person gives to you. For example, when you are driving someone cuts you off.  What do need to be OK and healthy in the long run?  You need to be safe, and you need to get where you are going.  (The primitive brain would automatically go into revenge mode). A problem solving attitude assumes that the problem is a matter of conflicting needs. There are no rights or wrongs about it; each person's needs are legitimate and important.  The goal is to work through resolution through discussion and compromise, including positive self talk, especially in this scenario since you are not in the position (and do not want to be if you need to get where you are going) to engage in discussion with the other driver.

 Every one of us has what is call the “primitive brain” (that part of the human nervous system dedicated to our survival). Over the course of time, humans have evolved into thriving land dwelling, air-breathing creatures. As "land critters," all our instincts, reflexes and responses to stress are based not only on our individual accumulated experiences, but also upon the millions of years we have taken as a species to successfully become accustomed to dwelling on land.

The key attitude to hold during angry situations is problem solving (rational brain) rather than vengeance (primitive brain).  Don't "punish" or "hurt" the other person, as this can be self-destructive and certainly doesn't resolve the situation.  When in the "primitive brain" one becomes an avenger and wants to punish and injure the offending party to the same degree that he or shee must be paid back.. The primitive brain believes pain must be paid back. 

Below are 6 Response Choices that are often taught* in anger management sessions:

Active Responses:

1. Ask for what you want: I'm feeling (what's bothering me is)_____and what I think I need (want,would like) in this situation is___.

2. Negotiate: What would you propose to solve this problem?

3.Self-Care: If (the problem) goes on, I'll have to (your self care solution) in order to take care of myself.

Passive Responses:

4. Get information

5.  Acknowledge: So what you want is__; so what concerns you is__, so what hurts-bothers you is__.

6.Withdraw.  It feels like we are starting to get upset.  I want to stop and cool off for a while.

*McKay, Rogers & McKay, 1989 (The Anger Control Workbook, New Harbinger

I am a Certified Anger Management Specialist , Peak Performance Success Coach and EFT Practitioner and offer a 15 minute complimentary consult.

My sessions are in Long Island via telephone and Skype video.

 

Balance and Power.Com Angermanagement

 

 

Finding the balance of spontaneity with intuition helps us make choices that benefit our lives. Notice when you are feeling impulsive or spontaneous and then ask yourself, “Will this really benefit me?”  The answer comes in the form of a verbal response or simply an instinctual feeling. Try to pay attention to your feeling; that is your intuition guiding you to make the right choices. It is important to remember that making spontaneous decisions doesn’t necessarily mean being hasty. Acting with energy and spontaneity is a wonderful way to live our lives, as it means we are being in the moment. However, it can lead us to make decisions that may not be the best for us  and maylead to stress, frustration, anger, anxiety, depression.
 

A high level of energy may leave you feeling stimulated and not completely aware of the effects of the choices you make.  This may be a good time to work on balancing your spontaneity with intuition.

Taking a moment or two to think about the effects of our choices, we are still acting on the spur-of-the-moment, but we also act using our intuition as a guide. This prevents us from making decisions we may later regret. We respect and pay attention to both our desire for the unstructured and our natural instincts.   Be attuned to your intuition! Balancing spontaneity with intuition is  important for manifestation

Need help with this? You may contact me for a telephone or video skype $99 POWER HOUR!  with 4, 6, 12 week peak performance success coaching packages available for complete manifestation!

I sponsored a wonderfully facilitated  an "Empowered Speed Networking" event with Lucy Rosen, Public Speaker, Author, Business Networking Expert …

and Donna Cariello of The LI Way, CEO of www.thelongislandway.com/ and got a lot of "takeaways" : including a reminder to be specific about what you need.  We were asked to state 3 business "needs"/ goals as we moved along with each person, taking notes on the other’s for referrals. The follow-up is to focus on the stated goals for thirty days.
I'm adding on a few more now for this blog:

1. Five people who need Peak Performance Success/Career coaching to help them to be more successful, productive and happier while reducing stress/anger levels and to be motivated-mentored-accountable for whatever life/work goals they want to achieve.  I offer a complimentary consult and sessions may be arranged via telephone, video skype and face to face in Baldwin and various locations throughout LI.  eileen@balanceandpower.com   516 623 4353

2. Corporate and agency "gigs" re "SOAR! with Resilience"(TM) (my program and manual as well as stand alone publication: read about & purchase here) re goal attainment , stress management, including mind/body modalities ie EFT , anger management and effective communication.

3. Intros to Judges & matrimonial attorneys and mediators for mutual referrals as I'm a court certified anger management specialist-educator.

4.  Collaborative alliances and referrals

5.  Participants for small groups anger-stress management groups location, dates, times tba. More info at www.balanceandpower.com

6. Biz card advertisers for The Pek-u-lators full day event Sept 18 ($100- contact me eileen@balanceandpower.com) and a full house for the workshops. Details & registration: http://www.balanceandpower.com/events.php 

7. View Motivational Whisperers TV!

8. Sign up for Motivational Whisperers Mastermind Groups to launch and accomplish your dreams!!

www.balanceandpower.com

I have added a wonderful tool to my coaching toolbox: Anger Management with EFT (emotional freedom techniques, meridian tapping).
We cannot deny our emotions as they are part of what makes us human.   However, we can change the patterns, triggers and ways that we express them.  We are not the victim of our emotions. There are patterns to every emotion that, if we can identify them, we can interrupt the pattern and change our behavior with EFT before it causes extreme damage in relationship or to society.

We each have a pattern of anger.  Some of us express it when it is still small. Some push it down so deep, too scared to express it, and  experience it as disease.  And some bottle it up until it bursts  like a volcano surprising everyone with the intensity.  These individuals sometimes do not even
have a clue that anything was wrong.

I’m going to focus on the last pattern, as this is what has happened with many of my clients, or with their partners or ex'es.   The latter played the victim and need help with self-esteem issues.   As children, some of the angry adults had been labeled as having “a bad temper”.  Let's take a look at how this pattern of anger develops.

Sometimes the anger has been brewing throughout the day from one incident early in the day which is annoying. Another a little later on that added fuel to the fire.  So when receiving one more perceived assault, even an actually minor one, anger powerfully unloads, usually misdirected.  Or, perhaps, one individual is  progressively "getting to" the other in a negative way by "nagging", being judgemental, overprotective,  jealous, to name a few.  That keeps happening until a "last straw" is reached.

When the anger outburst prone individual  takes a "time-out"   to apply EFT at the first perceived slight, the first inkling of annoyance or frustration and  is able to get deep into and under the anger then the anger outburst prone individual may be able to voice  concerns with out the associated outburst.

Here is an  Anger Management EFT script that I hope will help you or a loved one as it has helped my clients change an anger pattern.  First you need to start with how you feel in yourself about the anger. Start and continue tapping on the EFT tapping points  while saying the phrases:

Karate Chop:	I was so angry that I can’t accept myself. I’m disappointed in myself. I should be better than this. They didn’t deserve to be the brunt of my anger. I feel so ugly and ashamed at what I did. I don’t know if I will ever be able to change this. I feel like I have no control over my anger. I don’t know if I can ever accept myself when I can get so angry.
Head:	This anger feels more powerful than me
Eyebrows:	I don’t feel like I can control it
Side of Eyes:	Part of me likes the feeling of power that comes with the anger
Under Eyes:	Part of me is so ashamed
Under Nose:	I can’t really accept myself when I can get this angry
Chin Point:	I remember the look on their faces when I was angry
Collarbones:	The fear in their faces, I don’t want them to be afraid of me
Under Arms:	I’m so afraid that the damage done can’t be undone. I don’t know if I deserve to be free of this guilt
Wrist Points:	I don’t believe anyone can really love me when I have this anger within me; I can’t really love myself when I know it’s there.

Continue to tap for a few rounds to cover everything you feel and say about and to yourself about how you behaved.

Now we will use EFT to work on the pattern around the anger.

Karate Chop:	Even though it feels like I have no control over my anger, I choose to notice the way it develops. I have a pattern of anger than can be changed. Even though I have a habit of being angry, I choose to bring to my conscious mind the way my anger develops, so that I can heal it.
Head:	What is the first thing that happens in my body when I’m starting to feel angry?
Eyebrows:	What do I say to myself that tells me I’m getting angry?
Side of Eyes:	Where in my body do I notice the fire of my anger building?
Under Eyes:	There are a number of steps to my anger and I choose to pay attention and notice them
Under Nose:	What is the very first thing that happens that tells me I’m getting angry
Chin Point:	I give my self permission to stop a conversation when I notice the first indicators of anger so that I can do some EFT and deal with the feeling
Collarbones:	As I notice my anger pattern, I gain power over it
Under Arms:	There are a number of things that occur before my anger bursts out, and I choose to notice each of them
Wrist Points:	This pattern has been unconscious until now but I’m making it conscious so that I can change it.

Notice  how your anger builds helps to unravel the mystery of full blown explosions that nobody sees coming. You then have the ability to notice what is triggering your anger and clear those individual triggers. Maybe it’s a tone of voice or a look you receive which starts to get you angry. So do some tapping on the trigger e.g.

Karate Chop:	I felt put down by their sarcastic tone of voice. I felt put down and disrespected by their tone of voice. It reminds me of being talked down to as a child. I don’t want to be talked to like that because I’m now an adult
Head:	Feeling talked down to like a child
Eyebrows:	Feeling disrespected
Side of Eyes:	That tone of voice that gets me angry
Under Eyes:	I want to release all reference events for this trigger
Under Nose:	I’m clearing this trigger for my anger
Chin Point:	That tone of voice that still gets me angry
Collarbones:	I won’t let anyone talk to me that way
Under Arms:	I want to stand up for myself without having to get angry. I am an adult who can express myself
Wrist Points:	As I clear this trigger, I beginning to accept myself even more.

There may be more than one trigger to your anger so continue to tap on each trigger that contributes to your anger pattern.

You may still have shame, guilt, and regret about what happened so here is a final round to do some more clearing.

Karate Chop:	Even though I’m still ashamed at getting so angry, I’m beginning to accept myself. Even though I regret what I did and wish that I could go back and change things, I’m open to accepting myself and the mistakes I made as part of being human. I’m doing my best to improve my behavior, identifying patterns of anger, and clearing the triggers.
Head:	Remaining shame for what happened
Eyebrows:	Remaining regret for how I said what I did
Side of Eyes:	Remaining sadness at the hurt I caused
Under Eyes:	Remaining shame, regret, and sadness
Under Nose:	I choose to notice my anger patterns and diffuse them as soon as I do
Chin Point:	I choose to be forgiving of myself as I do my best to change my behavior
Collarbones:	I’m glad I know how to tap so that I can clear my anger patterns
Under Arms:	I’m learning to access the power within my anger and express it in constructive ways
Wrist Points:	I’m noticing and celebrating even the smallest of improvements in my behavior and I’m becoming even more loving and accepting of myself.

 

This tapping session is an in depth exploration and release of negative feelings that are often surrounding angry outbursts.  You may need further guidance; this may have only opened a door and there is still lots more to acknowledge and release, which is what EFT is about.  Contact me to arrange a complimentary consult for sessions via video skype, telephone, or face to face in Long Island or Queens, NY.  I incorporate EFT into my  Anger-Stress Management Groups at several locations in Long Island and Queens and am certified by the US Courts as an Anger Management Specialist.

When you learn how to easily overcome obstacles to achieve greater success, and you can be unstoppable!  Getting laid off, losing a key contract to a competitor, receiving a rejection letter, facing a serious illness, losing your home in a natural disaster, experiencing the heartache of having a romantic relationship end are just a tiny handful of the obstacles you could encounter. What matters is how you approach these obstacles; how you react and cope. Sadly, most people do not know how to  easily overcome obstacles and see the task as  as impossible, the end to their dreams or a serious impediment to their happiness. And while it's normal and okay to experience sadness, frustration and even anger at the obstacles you face, you can't let obstacles stop you or drag you down. That's why  you can be unstopable and achieve your goals when adversity presents itself with my help: contact me now to arrange  a complimentary consult via phone or Skype. we'll discuss the proven ways successful people easily overcome  obstacles ...so you become an unstoppable success! *I can help and empower you to SOAR! to your greatest heights of happiness, productivity and success!   See tips below from my interactive manual:     Re-frame adversity ... so you can grow and benefit from every experience  Cope with obstacles (most people stop when they hit a roadblock ... but successful people have 3 proven ways for achieving success despite the work it may take to overcome obstacles they encounter) Create ideas for maintaining a positive attitude even when nothing seems to be going your way  Plow through the overwhelming obstacles you are facing  and relate stories of others to help you gain perspective And much more! I look forward to hearing you  from you for a complimentary consult via telephone or skype: 516 623 4353  BalanceandPower