A gentleman I know from business networking said very definitively (he's an attorney), "I think you are a late bloomer- you are  really good at what you do and so passionate about your work."  I smiled.  I said, "You know me now and yes I'm  a "late bloomer-boomer"  in my current work as  coach-educator in stress/anger management and related topics, and I no longer am actively doing what I was as passionate about before we met- that is "Moving Meditation Fitness(R)" and wellness coaching, including stress reduction.  I invited my attorney friend (who is extremely successful and stressed) to download my recording of rhythmic movement and guided relaxation on my website:
Track #2: Rythmic Movement
Track #7: Guided Relaxation

Find out more about  Stress Reduction Tips and my new edition 
SOAR! with Resilience™ Book  




I offer Complimentary telphone consult: BalanceandPower
and am seeking individual clients via telephone, skype and in Wantagh, LI. and group speaking engagements.
 

 

A big take away affirmation  for me while spending a working vacation in Scottsdale presenting  my SOAR! with Resilience™  program at a Leadershop Conference for Special Educators:  Motivation is a mind and heart two way street:  When we share our passion, knowledge and inspiration and the receiver(s) really hears and feels it, we get that back many times over.   My motivational programs are interactive; above we are giving a "silent scream" shout out- visualization or blank ceiling- as we release frustration or anger.

                                                               

 

I customize programs for your group and also am a Peak Performance Success Coach for your life and career, a certified anger management specialist and EFT practitioner.  BalanceandPower


 

 

A big take away affirmation  for me while spending a working vacation in Scottsdale presenting  my SOAR! with Resilience™  program at a Leadershop Conference for Special Educators:  Motivation is a mind and heart two way street:  When we share our passion, knowledge and inspiration and the receiver(s) really hears and feels it, we get that back many times over.   My motivational programs are interactive; above we are giving a "silent scream" shout out- visualization or blank ceiling- as we release frustration or anger.

                                                               

 

I customize programs for your group and also am a Peak Performance Success Coach for your life and career, a certified anger management specialist and EFT practitioner.  BalanceandPower

"Forgive yourself" makes it to #4 of my top 10 of must do's to enhance confidence and be happier:

 "Ten Tips that Build Confidence and Lead to Happiness": http://www.motivationalwhisperers.com/my_profile/blog/852/edit

  4.  Forgive yourself  for mistakes; let go and move on. 

Self-forgiveness is essential in order to forgive anyone else.  Forgiveness is essential to let go of anger.  Letting go of anger is essential to be happier.  Especially in "the new normal" this is a no-brainer :).

Easier said than done?  Try EFT- tapping to forgive yourself- keeping in mind in order to forgive anyone else- even partially (that's OK- forgiveness of others can be a % )- that complete forgiveness of self must come about first. 

 Here is my short self-forgiveness EFT script you can follow along with and place your own words-phrases on the blanks.  I've left you lot's of space for improvision and feel free to add more!  View my short intro EFT video   and find  a helpful a diagram of the tapping points on  EFT web page . 

 First the Set-up Phrase with Karate chop point or the sore spot massage:

 1.  Even though that was such a terrible mishap when I______ at the _______, I fully and deeply love and accept myself.

2.  Even though everyone saw when I _____________, I fully and deeply love and accept myself.

3.  Even though I feel so __________ for having said ______________, I fully and deeply love and accept myself.

 Tapping rounds on all of the points of the short version:

  1. ___________. :(

  2.  _______________!!!!

  3.  how could I ______????

  4.   It's OK

  5.   It worked out.

  6.        ""

  7.  Forgive myself and let go

  8.     ""

 Sit back a few deep breaths to clear your mind.  Feel better?

This is a simple example and is adaptable to many self forgiveness issues.  It's really up to you to have the intention to forgive yourself and move on...

As a Certified ADV-EFT practitioner and Certified Anger Management Specialist, I use this amazing technique in my Private Life Coaching Sessions as well as my Anger Management Seminars and Stress Management Seminars with  amazing success! Balance and Power!™ Success Coaching Groups are now being organized throughout the New York Metropolitan Area! 

Keep SOARing!
Eileen

Eileen Lichtenstein, MS. Ed.
CEO, Balance & Power, Inc.
Peak Performance Success & Career Coach
Author, Facilitator SOAR! with Resilience™  
www.balanceandpower.com 
Stress & Anger Management Specialist
EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) 
www.motivationalwhispererstv.com
516 623 4353

Myth #1: Anger is inherited

Research has indicated that people are not born with set, specific ways of expressing anger.  These studies show that because the expression of anger is learned behavior, more appropriate ways of expressing anger can be learned.

Myth #2:  Anger Automatically Leads to Aggression

It is a misconception that athe only way to express anger is through aggression.  Effective anger management involves controlling the escalation of anger by learning assertiveness skills, changing negative and hostile "self-talk", challenging irrational beliefs and implementing a variety of behavioral strategies.

Myth #3: People Must Be Aggressive to Get What They Want

Many people confuse assertiveness with aggression.  The goal of aggression is to dominate, intimidate, harm or injure another person- to win at any cost.  Conversely, the goal of assertiveness is to express feelings of anger in a way that is respectful of other people. 

Myth #4  Venting Anger Is Always Desirable
Anger is learned and can easily become a routine, predictable response, an inappropriate pattern, to a variety of situations,  resulting in negative consequences.  Venting anger in an aggressive way reinforces aggressive behavior.

  BREAK  THE ANGER HABIT!  An awareness must be developed of the events, circumstances and behaviors that "trigger" your anger.  In addition to becoming aware of anger, you need to learn and develop strategies to manage your ANGER AND STRESS: http://www.balanceandpower.com/events.php

I am a Certified Anger Management Specialist with offices in Long Island, NY and have sessions via Video SKYPE and telephone.
Complimentary Consult: 516 623 4353
http://www.balanceandpower.com/angermanagement.php    
 

Yes, there are many questions to ask yourself for effective anger management. Try this one first, known in the field of anger management  as "The Big Question" when you find yourself in a difficult situation.

First, tap in to your "evolved brain",  (versus your "primitive brain"    described below.)  You can do this by pausing and having the intention to do this and asking yourself the "Big Question":

"What do I really want/need in this situation for me to be happy and healthy in the long run?" 

 Simply by asking this question  you move out of your primitive brain and into the evolved, rational part.  So you need to know what you need to be OK and it must be something you give yourself, not what another person gives to you. For example, when you are driving someone cuts you off.  What do need to be OK and healthy in the long run?  You need to be safe, and you need to get where you are going.  (The primitive brain would automatically go into revenge mode). A problem solving attitude assumes that the problem is a matter of conflicting needs. There are no rights or wrongs about it; each person's needs are legitimate and important.  The goal is to work through resolution through discussion and compromise, including positive self talk, especially in this scenario since you are not in the position (and do not want to be if you need to get where you are going) to engage in discussion with the other driver.

 Every one of us has what is call the “primitive brain” (that part of the human nervous system dedicated to our survival). Over the course of time, humans have evolved into thriving land dwelling, air-breathing creatures. As "land critters," all our instincts, reflexes and responses to stress are based not only on our individual accumulated experiences, but also upon the millions of years we have taken as a species to successfully become accustomed to dwelling on land.

The key attitude to hold during angry situations is problem solving (rational brain) rather than vengeance (primitive brain).  Don't "punish" or "hurt" the other person, as this can be self-destructive and certainly doesn't resolve the situation.  When in the "primitive brain" one becomes an avenger and wants to punish and injure the offending party to the same degree that he or shee must be paid back.. The primitive brain believes pain must be paid back. 

Below are 6 Response Choices that are often taught* in anger management sessions:

Active Responses:

1. Ask for what you want: I'm feeling (what's bothering me is)_____and what I think I need (want,would like) in this situation is___.

2. Negotiate: What would you propose to solve this problem?

3.Self-Care: If (the problem) goes on, I'll have to (your self care solution) in order to take care of myself.

Passive Responses:

4. Get information

5.  Acknowledge: So what you want is__; so what concerns you is__, so what hurts-bothers you is__.

6.Withdraw.  It feels like we are starting to get upset.  I want to stop and cool off for a while.

*McKay, Rogers & McKay, 1989 (The Anger Control Workbook, New Harbinger

I am a Certified Anger Management Specialist , Peak Performance Success Coach and EFT Practitioner and offer a 15 minute complimentary consult.

My sessions are in Long Island via telephone and Skype video.

 

Balance and Power.Com Angermanagement

 

 

I sponsored a wonderfully facilitated  an "Empowered Speed Networking" event with Lucy Rosen, Public Speaker, Author, Business Networking Expert …

and Donna Cariello of The LI Way, CEO of www.thelongislandway.com/ and got a lot of "takeaways" : including a reminder to be specific about what you need.  We were asked to state 3 business "needs"/ goals as we moved along with each person, taking notes on the other’s for referrals. The follow-up is to focus on the stated goals for thirty days.
I'm adding on a few more now for this blog:

1. Five people who need Peak Performance Success/Career coaching to help them to be more successful, productive and happier while reducing stress/anger levels and to be motivated-mentored-accountable for whatever life/work goals they want to achieve.  I offer a complimentary consult and sessions may be arranged via telephone, video skype and face to face in Baldwin and various locations throughout LI.  eileen@balanceandpower.com   516 623 4353

2. Corporate and agency "gigs" re "SOAR! with Resilience"(TM) (my program and manual as well as stand alone publication: read about & purchase here) re goal attainment , stress management, including mind/body modalities ie EFT , anger management and effective communication.

3. Intros to Judges & matrimonial attorneys and mediators for mutual referrals as I'm a court certified anger management specialist-educator.

4.  Collaborative alliances and referrals

5.  Participants for small groups anger-stress management groups location, dates, times tba. More info at www.balanceandpower.com

6. Biz card advertisers for The Pek-u-lators full day event Sept 18 ($100- contact me eileen@balanceandpower.com) and a full house for the workshops. Details & registration: http://www.balanceandpower.com/events.php 

7. View Motivational Whisperers TV!

8. Sign up for Motivational Whisperers Mastermind Groups to launch and accomplish your dreams!!

www.balanceandpower.com

I have added a wonderful tool to my coaching toolbox: Anger Management with EFT (emotional freedom techniques, meridian tapping).
We cannot deny our emotions as they are part of what makes us human.   However, we can change the patterns, triggers and ways that we express them.  We are not the victim of our emotions. There are patterns to every emotion that, if we can identify them, we can interrupt the pattern and change our behavior with EFT before it causes extreme damage in relationship or to society.

We each have a pattern of anger.  Some of us express it when it is still small. Some push it down so deep, too scared to express it, and  experience it as disease.  And some bottle it up until it bursts  like a volcano surprising everyone with the intensity.  These individuals sometimes do not even
have a clue that anything was wrong.

I’m going to focus on the last pattern, as this is what has happened with many of my clients, or with their partners or ex'es.   The latter played the victim and need help with self-esteem issues.   As children, some of the angry adults had been labeled as having “a bad temper”.  Let's take a look at how this pattern of anger develops.

Sometimes the anger has been brewing throughout the day from one incident early in the day which is annoying. Another a little later on that added fuel to the fire.  So when receiving one more perceived assault, even an actually minor one, anger powerfully unloads, usually misdirected.  Or, perhaps, one individual is  progressively "getting to" the other in a negative way by "nagging", being judgemental, overprotective,  jealous, to name a few.  That keeps happening until a "last straw" is reached.

When the anger outburst prone individual  takes a "time-out"   to apply EFT at the first perceived slight, the first inkling of annoyance or frustration and  is able to get deep into and under the anger then the anger outburst prone individual may be able to voice  concerns with out the associated outburst.

Here is an  Anger Management EFT script that I hope will help you or a loved one as it has helped my clients change an anger pattern.  First you need to start with how you feel in yourself about the anger. Start and continue tapping on the EFT tapping points  while saying the phrases:

Karate Chop:	I was so angry that I can’t accept myself. I’m disappointed in myself. I should be better than this. They didn’t deserve to be the brunt of my anger. I feel so ugly and ashamed at what I did. I don’t know if I will ever be able to change this. I feel like I have no control over my anger. I don’t know if I can ever accept myself when I can get so angry.
Head:	This anger feels more powerful than me
Eyebrows:	I don’t feel like I can control it
Side of Eyes:	Part of me likes the feeling of power that comes with the anger
Under Eyes:	Part of me is so ashamed
Under Nose:	I can’t really accept myself when I can get this angry
Chin Point:	I remember the look on their faces when I was angry
Collarbones:	The fear in their faces, I don’t want them to be afraid of me
Under Arms:	I’m so afraid that the damage done can’t be undone. I don’t know if I deserve to be free of this guilt
Wrist Points:	I don’t believe anyone can really love me when I have this anger within me; I can’t really love myself when I know it’s there.

Continue to tap for a few rounds to cover everything you feel and say about and to yourself about how you behaved.

Now we will use EFT to work on the pattern around the anger.

Karate Chop:	Even though it feels like I have no control over my anger, I choose to notice the way it develops. I have a pattern of anger than can be changed. Even though I have a habit of being angry, I choose to bring to my conscious mind the way my anger develops, so that I can heal it.
Head:	What is the first thing that happens in my body when I’m starting to feel angry?
Eyebrows:	What do I say to myself that tells me I’m getting angry?
Side of Eyes:	Where in my body do I notice the fire of my anger building?
Under Eyes:	There are a number of steps to my anger and I choose to pay attention and notice them
Under Nose:	What is the very first thing that happens that tells me I’m getting angry
Chin Point:	I give my self permission to stop a conversation when I notice the first indicators of anger so that I can do some EFT and deal with the feeling
Collarbones:	As I notice my anger pattern, I gain power over it
Under Arms:	There are a number of things that occur before my anger bursts out, and I choose to notice each of them
Wrist Points:	This pattern has been unconscious until now but I’m making it conscious so that I can change it.

Notice  how your anger builds helps to unravel the mystery of full blown explosions that nobody sees coming. You then have the ability to notice what is triggering your anger and clear those individual triggers. Maybe it’s a tone of voice or a look you receive which starts to get you angry. So do some tapping on the trigger e.g.

Karate Chop:	I felt put down by their sarcastic tone of voice. I felt put down and disrespected by their tone of voice. It reminds me of being talked down to as a child. I don’t want to be talked to like that because I’m now an adult
Head:	Feeling talked down to like a child
Eyebrows:	Feeling disrespected
Side of Eyes:	That tone of voice that gets me angry
Under Eyes:	I want to release all reference events for this trigger
Under Nose:	I’m clearing this trigger for my anger
Chin Point:	That tone of voice that still gets me angry
Collarbones:	I won’t let anyone talk to me that way
Under Arms:	I want to stand up for myself without having to get angry. I am an adult who can express myself
Wrist Points:	As I clear this trigger, I beginning to accept myself even more.

There may be more than one trigger to your anger so continue to tap on each trigger that contributes to your anger pattern.

You may still have shame, guilt, and regret about what happened so here is a final round to do some more clearing.

Karate Chop:	Even though I’m still ashamed at getting so angry, I’m beginning to accept myself. Even though I regret what I did and wish that I could go back and change things, I’m open to accepting myself and the mistakes I made as part of being human. I’m doing my best to improve my behavior, identifying patterns of anger, and clearing the triggers.
Head:	Remaining shame for what happened
Eyebrows:	Remaining regret for how I said what I did
Side of Eyes:	Remaining sadness at the hurt I caused
Under Eyes:	Remaining shame, regret, and sadness
Under Nose:	I choose to notice my anger patterns and diffuse them as soon as I do
Chin Point:	I choose to be forgiving of myself as I do my best to change my behavior
Collarbones:	I’m glad I know how to tap so that I can clear my anger patterns
Under Arms:	I’m learning to access the power within my anger and express it in constructive ways
Wrist Points:	I’m noticing and celebrating even the smallest of improvements in my behavior and I’m becoming even more loving and accepting of myself.

 

This tapping session is an in depth exploration and release of negative feelings that are often surrounding angry outbursts.  You may need further guidance; this may have only opened a door and there is still lots more to acknowledge and release, which is what EFT is about.  Contact me to arrange a complimentary consult for sessions via video skype, telephone, or face to face in Long Island or Queens, NY.  I incorporate EFT into my  Anger-Stress Management Groups at several locations in Long Island and Queens and am certified by the US Courts as an Anger Management Specialist.