Building strong relationships at home, with family, friends and at work are key to our well being and stress levels. Good relationships correlate with happiness and productivity. High stress and anger levels impact on all relationships and vice versa! Perhaps you have a toxic relationship going and need some coaching to feel empowered to let it go or to change it up. Remember, you must have an intention to change your own patterns; it is impossible to change someone else's. However, you can be a great role model or mentor.
Relationship coaching is intended to help people in any
relationship such as married couples, unmarried couples, family
members or co-workers. A relationship is
always, like our lives, in a state of movement and change. A
relationship coach helps you maximize that change in a
positive way, places you more in control of it and of how you
feel. Looking at events and what a person says in a
different way, understanding different styles of communication
and behavior and creating new perspectives and reframing
some negative situations can help you reconnect with the positive
aspects in a relationship and empower you to let go of the
old patterns and perhaps, the relationship.
My journey as a Peak Performance Success Coach (certified in Life and Career Coaching) and a Certified Anger Management Specialist has brought me into the role of helping individuals, couples, families and business teams into moving forward and building strong relationships where perhaps there was only negativity and discord before.
I offer a comlimentary telephone or Skype consult: www.balanceandpower.com 516 623 4353
“Everything flows, out and in; everything has its
tides; all things rise and fall; the pendulum-swing
manifests in everything; the measure of the swing to the right is
the measure of the swing to the left; rhythm compensates.”
The rhythm of life and the pendulum swings. A couple of months ago I called a friend whom I had not spoken with in quite awhile. She had been on my mind often, for many months, but I just never took the time to call. I received a voice mail in her husband’s voice. As I was hanging up the phone, I felt a strong tingling sensation move from my root chakra and exit out of my head and heard, "Kathy is dead." I felt a chill and a sadness go throughout my body. Everything flows; the tides come in and the tides go out.
A couple of weeks later I received a call from Kathy’s husband. He said, “Inez I’m returning your call because I know you don’t know that Kathy died months ago.” We talked about her life, her death and her memorial. The pendulum swings.
The rhythm of life goes on; Kathy was love and light. I have fond memories of Kathy and the fun we shared. She will always be a part of who I am.
The pendulum swings; take the time to ‘tend’ your relationships.
Is your busyness interfering with your rhythm and stopping you
from following through on connecting?
When you think about someone, don’t be too busy to
call. I know for sure, I will
Related Article: How to Start Your Day Feeling Great!
Each and every person desires to create a connection with others. Be it a spiritual, romantic or friendly connection there is something to be said about sharing our lives with friends and family. The key to any successful relationship is to FIRST develop a loving relationship with yourself. When you love yourself and treat yourself well, others will take notice and treat you in kind.
How do you begin to form a loving relationship with yourself? By taking the time to look within and discover who you truly are. Each and every person has amazing gifts to share with the world. Discovering your talents and self worth will open up the doors to creating supportive and successful relationships. As you embark on this journey of self discovery you will in time understand your motivations, dreams, desires, what makes you happy and truly you. The important thing is to become aware of your value. Set aside time to do something nice for yourself daily and cultivate a loving relationship with YOU. As you begin to acknowledge your talents, realize that you are worthy of goodness and love and recognize the Divine light that shines within, you will begin to attract positive and loving people into your life.
Each day take a few moments to relax in a quiet location. Even 15 minutes will do as a beginning! Sit quietly and open your mind to creating a vision of your ideal life. What do you see taking place, who do you see sharing this life with you? As you form a mental picture you will then begin to shift to a place of self awareness and understanding. If sitting quietly doesn't appeal to you, take the time to journal each day. A journal is a wonderful way to open up to your inner thoughts and desires.
Each moment that you devote to discovering your authentic self is a deposit in the bank of your self-worth. There is no other person like you and the world will be a better place when you share your unique talents with others. Once you cultivate an authentic and loving relationship with yourself you will begin to attract positive and supportive relationships into your life.
Appreciate yourself, recognize your worth and share the wonder that is you with the world!
In the blink of an eye 10 years have gone by. Now you are living sleepless parental nights, growing concerns over money, power struggles, late night working hours, sexless days turn into sexless weeks and your fairy tale is officially a nightmare.
All conversations are heated and at the very least you walk away with chest pains and feelings of disgust for your partner. Your storybook life has turned you into a prisoner. You hurt. You ache physically, you’re tired emotionally, and you are feeling abandon. Prince Charming has turned into Frankenstein! As life goes by you throw yourself deeper into being a mom, the top achiever at work, or the “fixer” to your girlfriends lives.
You find yourself spending way more money than you can afford to and to your surprise you daydream about what it would be like with another man. You find yourself making excuses to avoid life. All signs it’s time to STOP.. BREATHE.. and REDISCOVER YOURSELF!
I am here to tell you there is hope and it’s easily accessible, in fact it’s located directly inside of you. You can’t buy this, you can’t borrow a friends and you can’t read a book to find it. There is a magic spot inside of you, no ladies the OTHER magic spot, where all your answers reside.
I am going to tell you in 5 easy steps how to find your magic spot! When you follow this recipe you will feel instant change happen. You will begin to desire time with yourself and solitude will bring you happiness. Answers appear and what grows inside of you feels softer, kinder, and more manageable.
How to access your MAGIC SPOT:
• Get Quiet – place yourself in surroundings that are soothing and hold special meaning to you.
• Take inventory – Identify the one issue that is the loudest; one issue that keeps you awake at night or follows you throughout your day. Gently release the others.
Imagine you are packing them away on a shelf or tying them to a balloon that is carrying them far away for now. No worries they will return you are not ignoring them forever.
• Drop Inside – Simple ask yourself what wants to be revealed with regard to issue you identified – what does it want to say to you? Allow yourself not to censor what you are feeling and thinking.
• Become the observer – Allow yourself to “sit with” the feeling/ thought. Be mindful of how it shows up in your actions/behaviors. Just watch, do not become overwhelmed with the thought. You are merely an observer.
• Practice acceptance – allow whatever is there to be there; treat it as if it were your friend (in reality it is). When we judge or avoid what IS we create more of the same.
Allow whatever is presenting itself to simple be. Talk to the feeling like you would your best friend. Be compassion, understanding, and accepting of what you are feeling. No running, no excuses.. just accept and allow. After you experience the shift (it doesn’t feel so heavy) ask what your next course of action should be.
Be mindful to really surrender to the process. This inner voice will never cause panic or make you feel afraid. If those feelings come in simply ask them to leave. Breathe through it and shift them out. Don’t wait one more minute. Try this process today and begin to experience the joy you were meant to experience.
Veronica or Ronnie as her clients affectionately call her is an International Relationship Coach, and Speaker. She supports her clients in designing relationships that sizzle. Her style is intuitive and informal. Her results are impactful and life-changing!
Veronica uses her witty, warm, charming, and sassy sense of humor to help clients relax, release and get in touch with what really matters to them Veronica resides in Pennsylvania with her husband. She has two adult sons. www.designyourrelationships.com
Research has indicated that people are not born with set, specific ways of expressing anger. These studies show that because the expression of anger is learned behavior, more appropriate ways of expressing anger can be learned.
Myth #2: Anger Automatically Leads to Aggression
It is a misconception that athe only way to express anger is through aggression. Effective anger management involves controlling the escalation of anger by learning assertiveness skills, changing negative and hostile "self-talk", challenging irrational beliefs and implementing a variety of behavioral strategies.
Myth #3: People Must Be Aggressive to Get What They Want
Many people confuse assertiveness with aggression. The goal of aggression is to dominate, intimidate, harm or injure another person- to win at any cost. Conversely, the goal of assertiveness is to express feelings of anger in a way that is respectful of other people.
Myth #4 Venting Anger Is Always Desirable
Anger is learned and can easily become a routine, predictable response, an inappropriate pattern, to a variety of situations, resulting in negative consequences. Venting anger in an aggressive way reinforces aggressive behavior.
BREAK THE ANGER HABIT! An awareness must be developed of the events, circumstances and behaviors that "trigger" your anger. In addition to becoming aware of anger, you need to learn and develop strategies to manage your ANGER AND STRESS: http://www.balanceandpower.com/events.php
I am a Certified Anger Management Specialist with offices in Long Island, NY and have sessions via Video SKYPE and telephone.
Complimentary Consult: 516 623 4353
Use a “To Do” List
It's an old trick, but it never fails. At the end of each work day, write down your 'to do' list for the next day. Put this somewhere on your desk where you will find it first thing in the morning. During the first 10 to 15 minutes of your day, review your list. At the end of the day, refer to this list again to see how much you have accomplished. Take note of what tasks still need to be done and write them down on another 'to do' list.
Filing is the simplest way to becoming organized. By knowing where files are kept, you don’t waste valuable time trying to look for them. Better yet, you are least likely to lose important documents if you know how to keep them in their proper places. Learn the art of organizing and begin improving your performance at work. Remember, it’s just as important to keep things filed neatly in your computer, for easy access later.
Determine the urgency of things that land on your desk. Is marketing or social media more important? When should you answer email? Is that phone call really important – or is it a time waster? Do you have to review all the statistics or should you focus on customer getting activities? Learn to recognize the things that need your attention first and then work on them in order of priority. Remember that every moment offers you choice, the right choices will get you where you want to go at a faster pace.
Keep important references and numbers in a notebook. Have handy access to names, phone numbers and email addresses. If there is certain information and references that you always use, write them down in a small notebook or a particular file in your computer. Things like passwords for various programs, which printer to use with which PC or other special considerations. Trying to memorize them may not be enough because memory can be tricky.
Build relationships. Treat everyone as if they are the most important person on earth. Be prompt inreturning calls or emails. Listen to your customers needs and wants, both spoken and unspoken. Answer the phone after the second ring and smile as you talk. Boost your company's image as you build good work habits.
Cindy Holbrook is a Certifified Professional Confidence and Empowerment Life Coach. Visit CindySense.com for inspirational tips and articles on how to build your confidence, find the power to say "no" and follow your dreams by listening to your inner voice. Remember to sign up for her free Bi-Weekly Inspirational and Empowering Newsletter filled with empowering affirmations, motivational tips and quotes to help you create the life you desire.
Is life a struggle for you? Do you fear making decissions? Do you say "Yes" to everyone even if your heart is telling you no? Is your self confidence bogging you down? Click here for your Confidence Booster Session to clarify your vision and develop a 3-stage action plan to transform your dreams into reality
Building relationships takes time and nurturing. Long term relationships are built over time, caring and sharing. The concept is the same for both personal and professional relationship building. Advertising costs can be enormous, and also takes a lot of time, so let’s look at better ways to spend our time and save money doing it.
Just like a plant or a tree has basic needs in order to grow, so do human relationships require nurturing in order to grow and develop into long term rewards. A plant needs water, air, soil, sunshine, fertilizer and a lot of nurturing, or loving, for some plant lovers.
All human beings have the same needs, except they come in various shapes and sizes. Whether it is a personal friendship, a love relationship, or a business relationship, they all need nurturing. This takes time. It is a process, which usually requires patience. Somehow, in today’s fast paced world of activity, we lose patience and consequently, lose valuable potential relationships. Processes take time to implement for successful outcomes. Getting to know your love partner or your business associates/colleagues, is a process, and takes time, but ultimately, brings you the rewards you want and deserve. Build bridges, so you have a place to meet next time. Build memories, so you have mutual topics to discuss on the bridge where you meet.
We need to engage in conversations, interact with each other, share interests, spend time with each other, understand the other’s needs and where he/she is coming from, before we can contribute something to him or her. It doesn’t all come together through a tweet or two, or over one cup of coffee. Unfortunately, it takes a little more attention and time, and we as a society feel we can’t afford that time, as our list of “to-do’s” is way too long in one day. Where can we find the time?
Delivering the "Goods" or Connecting With Each Other- Which is MoreFun?
the truth is, it doesn’t take a lot of time at one time. It takes
a few minutes over a period of time. It takes consistency, follow
up, remembering things that were said, and taking note, so next
time we engage, we can really connect, as opposed to just
delivering “the goods”. Delivering “the goods” is efficient, but
is it “effective”? Connecting with each other is what makes the
difference in building long term relationships.
Here Are a Few Tips to Remember:
* Ask general (not too specific) questions about their family, background, where they live, and what kinds of things they are interested in
* Show interest and use positive facial expressions to demonstrate that, which encourages them to keep talking or sharing with you
* Listen, really listen, and see if you can resonate with what is being said (Don’t talk over someone, it’s impolite –they will remember you for the wrong reasons)
* As you get to know each other better, offer to help in some way, either in community, social or business – refer to something you discussed previously in another conversation, so they know you are paying attention
* Ask how you can refer others to increase their business
* Follow up within a week or two to keep the memory fresh, and keep your word, if you agreed to have coffee or lunch
* Don’t get too “officious” as we are all looking to relax with someone- so just a simple smile helps them relax with YOU!
* Overall, have fun, as it’s about making friends – we can never have enough friends in the world- FRIENDS are there to serve!
The intent of this blog:
To Give Permission to Every Male and Female out there, who stay in a relationship a lot longer than necessary...
I know. When you are apart you miss them. Then when you're together, you are reminded of all the reasons you are secretly devising an exit strategy.
Don't fret. I know you know the relationship is not great, and you beat yourself up for even staying in it. But listen, somehow, someway the relationship has served you. Whether it was the companionship when you needed it, or whether being with them allowed you to become really clear about the ideal qualities you want for your next partner. Either way, lighten up.
Life is about exploring and learning about yourself. Some times (even though we know better) it takes us a little longer to find the courage to make that change. And guess what. That's okay. Don't feel bad and stop feeling guilty.
You know you deserve better but this relationship has provided you with the perfect foundation to prepare you for your future much improved, new relationship. Remember, it is easier to identify what qualities are important to you once you experience a relationship where those qualities are not present.
Then when you finally realize that you are done putting up with the stuff that does not serve you. And you become sooooo clear about what you NOW want. You will be ready. Now, of course it doesn't have to get to that point, but if it does for you...that's okay too ;-)
Connie D. Henriquez is an upbeat, chic New York based Health & Life Coach Expert and founder of Start Loving Life®, the fun, ultra powerful, forward thinking philosophy that "Empowers you to be YOU!". For more information, please visit: startlovinglife.com or startlovinglifenow.com and "dare to be yourself today"! (This article is part of the Start Loving Life® Guiltless Pleasures Series...)
The month of February connotes Valentine’s Day, which turns our thoughts to the topic of “love.” But what is love? Is it a feeling? A force? Is it God? Is it all there is? Trying to define “love” is like trying to define “infinity.” How do you wrap your head around either love or infinity? How do words come remotely close to capturing either?
If we use the concept so freely I suggest that we get honest and real with it. I find that we may know love best by knowing what it is not. By contrast, that is. We instinctively know when we are not feeling or behaving in a living way. And perhaps, even more so, we know when someone else if not being loving toward us. At its best, this process of noticing helps us to tune ourselves up.
In “love relationships” it gets even more murky. What so often passes for love is actually obsession or addiction. Do you really love that person, or do you need them? Love is unconditional. Anything else is an imposter. To love is to embrace without clutching, to give versus to barter, and to allow instead of to control.
This is how we get real with love. Sound like a tall order? While it is not easy, it is possible, in glimpses anyway. And the key is self-reverence. To value oneself is to value others. To like oneself is to accept others as they are. To trust oneself is to allow others to be as they are. A strong and steady loving relationship with oneself opens the gateway for loving relationships with others and with all of life.
So on Valentine’s Day and all other days, get real with love. Practice awareness of love, and cultivate the relationship with Self that is the fertile soil within which love can grow. You do not need to define love when you are able to live it. You will just know. From my heart to yours, Happy Valentine’s (every)Day!
Victoria A. Vetere, PhD, HC is an Enlightened Life Coach and Director of Lotus Health & Longevity. She offers individual coaching, business consulting, small groups and events featuring powerful energetic principles to enhance all aspects of life. Join “Enlightened Life Lovers” and check for upcoming events on her website at www.EnlightenedLifeCoaching.com. Also, find your way to better body, balance and bliss at www.DoYouLotus.com!!!
If any of this sounds familiar, you've probably realized by now that you can't magically change other people. The best way to get the most out of all of your relationships is to start by focusing on yourself. Read on to discover 4 ways to improve any relationship.
If you have relationships in your life that are not going quite the way you want them to, you've possibly had arguments about what's not working. You might have attempted talking calmly about the problems to see if you could make some changes. You might have even tried ignoring what was going on all together in the hope that the problem would just work itself out. If you think you've tried it all, and you're still dissatisfied with a relationship in your life, don't give up yet... here are four steps that will help to improve your relationships from the inside out.
~One – Identify What You Value~
In order to have healthy, satisfying relationships, you have to know what is important to you; to go deep inside and discover what it is you most truly value -- what you want to experience in your relationships.
When we asked a woman in one of our seminars what she valued, she said that she valued it when people didn't fight.
We asked her why it was important to her that people not fight, and she said, "I feel very tense when people fight and it doesn’t seem to get them anywhere.”
So then, we said to her, “It sounds like what you really value is harmony and effectiveness.” She looked at us very excitedly and said, “Yes, that’s it!”
We use this example to point out that strategies are different than values. If you believe that the only way for you to have harmony and effectiveness in your life is for people not to fight, then experiencing what you value is at the mercy of others. On the other hand, if you understand that your strategy is driven by your value for harmony and effectiveness, it's possible to identify other strategies you can use to experience that value in your life.
~Two – Knowing What You Want~
Along with being able to tell the difference between your strategies and what you value it’s also important be able to identify what you “do want” instead of what you “don't want.” You may think that it's six of one, half dozen of the other, but they are actually quite different.
You may have heard this joke: A man is talking to his co-worker, "My wife told me she didn't want me spending so much time at the office, so I joined a bowling league." A funny line, but it's also the perfect example of the importance of expressing what you "do want" and not what you "don't want". What the wife really wanted (and could have said) was that she wanted her husband to spend more time with her.
It's important to remember that knowing and expressing what you “don't want” will NOT get you what you “do want.” The next time you find yourself saying things that start "I don't want …" stop yourself and let the other person know what it is that you do want from them or from the situation. Combine this with your ability to identify what you value, and you'll begin to notice a real change in the flow of your relationships.
~Three – Exploring What They Want~
Once you're clear about what you value and want in your relationship, it's time to start thinking about the other person's point of view. Understanding what someone else values and desires is critical to creating genuinely satisfying relationships. Taking this initiative is something that you can do that will immediately improve the quality of your communication and in turn, your relationship.
Of course, one way to find out what they want is simply to ask them. It's a place to start, but it's not always the most effective way of getting to the truth about what a person really values. As we pointed out above, people often think in terms of their strategies as opposed to focusing on their values.
If you ask them what they want in your relationship you may hear things like, "I want you to _____" (fill in the blank).
spend more time with me
stop being such a know-it-all
listen when I'm talking, etc
Clearly, these statements just tell you what they want you to do, not what they value. Getting to the values hidden in these statements may require a little detective work on your part. Don't just take their answers at face value; dig down beneath the surface to find out what values are at the base of what they want. Once you have an idea about the other person's values and what's most important to them, it's much easier to relate them to your own values and identify ways you can work together for mutual satisfaction.
~Four – Be Gentle With Yourself~
When you're struggling with a relationship, self-doubt and recriminations can often aggravate a situation. While trying to sort things out, it's very common for the past to creep in and trigger that little voice in your head to start whining, complaining, judging, and criticizing the relationship. You tend to focus on how the other person is acting, how you're acting, how it's been in the past, etc. You've probably also become resigned to the idea that things will never change and may be depressed about what the future holds.
This is a common reaction, but the trick here is to avoid taking the things that the little voice in your head says personally. Remember this the next time you start feeling discouraged, "everything that everyone does or says (including this little voice in your head) is in support of something they value; they are trying to meet some need." Instead of giving in to what your inner voice is saying, ask yourself: "What do I need that is causing me to think this way?" Try to get underneath what you're saying and identify what you value that is missing in the situation.
In other words, be gentle with yourself. The point here is that you commit to taking the time you need so that you can keep your attention focused on what you value, your deepest desires for the relationship, and creating mutually satisfying outcomes with the other person.
By focusing on these four principles, you can actively improve your relationships from the inside out. If you're interested in other self help, communication, and relationship enhancing tips tools and techniques sign up for our free thought-provoking and motivational Weekly Action Tips eMail series at: http://www.FocusedAttention.com.
Or visit us at: http://www.NewAgeSelfHelp.com