For many, the most challenging assertiveness skill is saying "no" with confidence. Knowing that it's the "right" choice when a situation requires it. Some may feel threatened by a loss of respect, love, responsibility or take on guilt when saying "no" to someone at home or work. It is possible to say "no" with confidence and style following these five key points:
1. Be honest and direct.
2. Don't make excuses
3. Remember that saying "no" shows respect.
4. Not saying no when it is indicated (by your circumstance and intuition) can cause even worse damage than acting yes.
5. Listen to your intuition about saying no and do not let positive opportunities pass you by by automatically saying no!
We are raised to please people and we need to be sensitive to
their feelings. However, we also have
responsibilities to ourselves including respecting our own
boundaries- with time, energy and whatever is being
When there are overlaps of responsibilities and gray areas of relationships that is fertile ground for conflict. So, before saying "no" ask yourself how you would feel if the person in question turned you down and consider an honest explanation vs. an all out rejection.
When we feel we are "sacrificing" in helping, we develop resentment. It's important to remember that whatever is asked of us is not "the fault" of the person asking and that saying "no" with confidence and style can save a relationship rather than ruining it.
I help people understand when to say no with confidence and style!
Complimentary telephone consult 516 623 4353
Research on this topic also states the following components are crucial for success: 1. Access your Intuition 2. Trust your intuition 3. Communicate assertively 4. Listen well 5. Take action We are all born with intuition so a challenge may be to learn to access that and trust yourself about it!
Personal challenges often arise including negative thinking or simply not trusting "the answers" that come up for you. You may accelerate your learning curve by quieting your mind so that you "hear" or intuit right choices. Develop patience and be aware of not acting "on impulse".
Practice "saying no" to create positive space for yourself and learn how to communicate assertively (not passively or aggressively). Hone your listening skills - to others as well as yourself! And finally, take action when you know the time is right (your intuition will tell you when:)), and without procrastinating- which is always fear based and ditch perfectionism to accomplish something meaningful and "on target."
Anyone with the intention to change and succeed, with guidance can successfully SOAR! with Resilience® I can help you create success and accountability with the success challenges outlined above. My telephone consult-strategy mini session is FREE! email@example.com 516 623 4353 Balance & Power, Inc.
Zap your food cravings with EFT! EFT dissolves blocked energy that results from an upsetting event, thereby changing the powerful negative emotions that cause you to eat out of emotion rather than hunger.
Why EFT Works to Conquer Emotional Eating:
· Food craving can be dissolved immediately (yes, even chocolate!).
· Reduces stress from everyday issues that may cause you to turn to food to soothe anxious feelings.
· Begins to erode negative beliefs and self fulfilling expectations about food and body image.
· Eliminates subconcious need to keep excess weight- as a barrier or cushion.
· Helps identify your personal "triggers" for emotional eating.
· Neutralizes the emotional effects of difficult or traumatic events from your past.
Workshop Saturday April 6
Download the pdf flyer with all the details HERE
Contact Eileen for a FREE 15 minute phone Strategy Session
The severity of the news has parents and educators and people generally struggling with how to cope . Many in the Northeastern US are still recovering from Storm Sandy. Here are a few things to keep in mind and resources below:
· Don't leave news unattended in the house. Children absorb information like sponges, so what you may tune out as background noise, they notice. Be sure to stay with your kids when the news is on. Better yet, do not have the news on (for everone's peace of mind:)). Unlimited exposure to the news' cycle repetition (especially with developing stories) amplifies the issue.
· Even the youngest children respond to the faces they see on TV. Seeing other children unhappy or crying is particularly upsetting to them.
· Children can't process where something happened -- especially when the images are in their own livingroom. Make a point of explaining the images are coming from somewhere far away, to help your children feel safe where they are.
· Talk to your children about what's in the news. Even when you don't know what to say, ask them what they think -- and, most importantly, how it makes them feel.
Detailed information is available from a variety of sources, and it's important to compare what 'experts' have to say in order for you to find your own comfort zone:
Resources for Parents and Educators:
* Common Sense Media: http://www.commonsensemedia.org/educators
* Save the Children: http://www.savethechildren.org/cope
* American Psychological Association: http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/aftermath.aspx
* National PTA: http://www.pta.org/schoolviolence
* National Association of School Psychologists:http://www.nasponline.org/
* Kaiser Foundation: http://www.kff.org/entmedia/upload/7638.pdf
When Words Fail, Kindness Is The Only Answer
Please be sure to hug your children, if for no
other reason, than simply because, you can.
Need help? (for your kids or yourself): call or email for a complimentary consult: firstname.lastname@example.org 516 623 4353
Step 1: Write down your goals. Make them specific and be sure you can measure progress toward the goal. For instance, if you want to increase your productivity at work, your goal may be to increase your sales by 10 percent from this year in 2013. Track your progress to all goals.
Step 2: Write down why you want to achieve the goal. List all the ways you will personally benefit from achieving the goal as well as any losses you will avoid.
Step 3: Determine exactly where you are now in reaching that goal. Note the strengths that will help you, the weaknesses that could hurt you, and the opportunities you can use to attain what you want.
Step 4: Write down what you will need to invest to achieve your goal. Whether it is time, money, or something else, know what reaching this goal could "cost" you.
Step 5: Determine what you need to learn in order to reach the goal. Will you need to take a course to learn a new skill? And what kind of information do you need access to?
Step 6: Identify all the people who can serve as your support group or team. This may also include organizations that can help you. Remember that asking for help is a sign of strength.
Step 7: Develop an action plan. Set timelines for achieving your short term goals. List specific dates on which you want to complete the various steps of the plan.
Step 8: Celebrate! Give yourself a reward for achieving the various steps in your action plan and a final reward for achieving the intended goal, something you can look forward to!
Related Article: 12 easy ways to choose happiness and live your best life.
You are being VULNERABLE...
When you ask for what you want...
When you speak your truth...
When you step out of your comfort zone...
Many of us growing up were ridiculed and judged growing up when we revealed our true selves; it wasn't safe for many of us to be vulnerable. Many of us developed a "protective shielding." We learned how to always appear together and never give "them" substantive evidence to "attack" us with.
That same protective shielding that was so useful when we were little can cause isolation and loneliness now. It is necessary now as adults to be open and reveal our truths if we want to conquer isolation and lonliness.
There must be some vulnberability present to
form deep connections.
Sometimes inner selves are only revealed with an eruption and explosion in anger or pain. Do not wait to hit bottom. You always have choices. Connect with others. Be vulnerable. You can create a shield with filters so that you can
· Share who you really are and create authentic relationships.
· Be vulnerable from a place of power.
· Be resilient, and feel the love!
Authentic self-expression allows us to share fears and flaws without shame.
Need help forming protective filters?
Need help getting grounded in your Personal Power?
-handling rejection and judgements??
-balancing privacy and transparancy??
Do you know that EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) combined with Peak Performance Success Coaching can help with all of these challenges?
You can feel safe calling me if you need to talk
BalanceandPower 516 623 4353
We each are capable of understanding our
dreams. We must then ask and respond with appropriate
action to co-create our lives with the universe.
Many people haven't yet aligned themselves with the
universe because they are stuck in old patterns, perhaps
incorrect childhood lessons and they haven't yet asked for what
they want! Many accept what is before them and what is
given without dreaming of more.
It's important to step back, step out of the circumstances, perhaps chaos, you find yourself in, detach and get quiet. Really quiet. Listen to your inner voice, your intuition often speaks mirroring universal truths and only when we are silent...
Most people don’t fully realize that
we all have within us the ability to co-create our lives with the
universe. So many of us are taught to accept what we are
given and not even to dream of anything more. But our hopes and
dreams are the universe whispering to us, planting an idea of
what’s possible while directing us toward the best use of our
The universe truly wants to give us our hearts’ desires, but we need to be clear about what they are and ask for them. To ask for something does not mean to beg or plead from a place of lack or unworthiness.
It simply taking a step of acknowledgement and action, forerunners of manifestation. Before leaving your personal peaceful space to come back to the world, release any attachment to the outcome and express gratitude.
Try doing this daily,
focusing your thoughts and energy while co-creating
with the power that makes it possible to build the life of your
Need help manifesting? or Clarifying YOUR dreams?
FREE 15 Minute Consultation
via phone: 516 623 4353
I became fearless going on the “scary” rides in Coney Island, Brooklyn as a child even though I never would go on the parachute- there were known accidents on that one and I was very safety conscious- Mom was a worrier.
Going in the front car of the roller coaster, approaching the top (with friends of course ) and looking at the big drop ahead gave no time to do anything except scream & hold on tight! So it went through the fun summer months. Thinking back over the years, I did many courageous things and not much scared me. Here are a few that got me thinking back to the scary rides...:
Walking on hot coals while on a
mind body spirit retreat in Santa Fe ( first time away
from my young children too). We had lots of prep time and
when it was my turn I was ready. Awesome.
Skiing.This wasn’t worth it for me; injured and it could’ve been worse… Later on I took up cross country- fun!
Para sailing Puerto Vallarta: This was the ultimate overcome of fear of heights for me. I was sitting on the beach for several days meditating (and drinking pina coladas) and surprised myself with the conscious decision into action. Very challenging and I did look down a few times when I wasn’t looking at the mountain.
Riding a bicycle in Amsterdam last week. Steve and I were visiting our daughter who lives there with her Spanish boyfriend. The city is really set up for cycling but I convinced myself it would be tough, it's difficult enough being a pedestrian there- ‘cause of all the bicycles!
My daughter went off riding with my husband and after a while came back to get me- they knew I would love it and it was only a few blocks to Vondel Park. Steve and I visited that city 40 years ago and rode our bikes around that we bought in Italy.
Back on the trip forty years ago- we rode our bikes out of Florence (where we bought the racers- and mine was a boy’s with the bar- the only kind made at the time) and I scared myself with a coughing attack that precipitated me throwing the pack(s) of Marlboros out- which was scary ‘cause I couldn’t imagine not smoking “cold turkey” which I succeeded at. And it was difficult- maybe not scary- to totally change our travel plans so that we went back to the city and got the bikes on trains that rode out of the seven hills, through the Alps and landed us in Germany to enjoy the rolling hills (so we could use all the gears ) and along the Rhine onto Holland. Of course we stopped to eat and sleep in foreign lands- sometimes in hostels and sometimes in the forest, scary and amazing.
I’m happy to be telling you all now. When friends and strangers comment on (both) our daughters living in Europe – I smile and am happy we brought them up with roots and wings - and the ability to navigate the scary and unknown.
• The scariest thing of all for me was
9/11 and the period following that. Were we really
OK? Then it became more than me and being empty
nested- yes our daughters already just in Europe- and it
was much more than getting off the coach and
back onto the treadmill and back into the gym-
even that was scary after a dark
- Now getting through the airports is kinda scary. Getting off the Long Island RR into Penn station is fine if I look straight ahead and focus. That’s it, and what I recommend:
I'd love to hear your scary-resilience stories!
As a professional success coach and facilitator I help clients overcome fear and be resilient. Contact me for a complimentary strategy consult: 516 623 4353 www.balanceandpower.com
Related Article: Finding Courage Strength and Ability.
Mindfulness at work is ever important, especially in an environment that is mostly chaotic. We can do certain things in the workplace to wake us up, inspire us and help us get closer to the lives we want to live and the goals we want to reach, in work and in life. This holds true for employees in large companies as well as home based entrepreneurs.
How to Create Mindfulness at Work:
- Become intentionally aware of what is happening in the moment without judgment. See things as they are.
- Mindful emailing can be as simple as drafting a message, taking three mindful breaths, and then re-reading the message from the perspective of the receiver before sending.
- Before answering a phone or making a call, take a few deep breaths.
Before starting a meeting take three
mindful breaths or take a few minutes before the meeting to sit
with everyone and practice mindfulness meditation
- Learn how to best cope with difficult colleagues by talking with an expert or attending a seminar.
- Practice basic mindfulness meditation, listening meditation and walking meditation.
- Mindfulness Moving Meditation
- Conduct internal "traffic control" throughout the day. Check in with yourself.
- Take a break when you need it.
Lifestyle Stress Statistics in the Workplace
- Workplace stress costs the nation more than $300 billion each year in health care, missed work and stress reduction efforts.
- Stress is responsible for 19 percent of employee absenteeism and 40 percent of employee turnover.
- Stress is responsible for creating 60 percent of the cost of workplace accidents.
- Research shows that 60 to 90 percent of doctor visits are stress-related.
- A landmark 20-year study conducted by the University of London concluded that unmanaged reactions to stress were a more dangerous risk factor for cancer and heart disease than either cigarette smoking or high cholesterol foods.
- 90 percent of all disease is caused or complicated by stress.
I'm getting ready and being grateful.
- for The Jewish New Year Holidays
- for my vacation to Europe and visit with our daughters & family!
- to complete stuff or place in holding pattern before leaving
- ducks in a row for when I return
- then being in the Fall in NY, Halloween, Thanksgiving and December Holidays-
Soo... I am really grateful
- that I've been able to enjoy the sunshine walking at the Long Island shore viewing surfers riding post storm waves all week
- that my family and friends were not personally involved in 9/11 destruction of Twin Towers
- that I know how to pace myself (usually:))
- that I'm recovering from a car accident
- that Mom is 88! and she is grateful...
- that I understand and most often know how not to take bad stuff personally