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Puns for Educated Minds

Mon, Sep 20 2010 03:20pm PDT 1
Stevie Mack - Comedy Empowerment Speaker
Stevie Mack - Comedy Empowerment Speaker
27 Posts

“Puns for Educated Minds”

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island but it turned out to

Be an optical Aleutian .

3. She was only a whiskey maker but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum

Blown-apart.

8.

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9.

A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12.

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the

Other: 'You stay hereI'll go on a head.'

13.

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14.

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

15.

The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at

Large.

16.

The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17.

A backward poet writes inverse.

18.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count

That votes.

19.

When cannibals ate a missionary they got a taste of religion.

20.

If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine .

21.

A vulture boards an airplane carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says'I'm sorry sir only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

22.

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'

23.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly so they lit a fire in the

Craft. Unsurprisingly it sank proving once again that you can't have your

Kayak and heat it too.

24.

Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says'I've lost my electron.' The other

Says 'Are you sure?' The first replies'Yes I'm positive.'

25.

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?

His goal: transcend dental medication.


Stevie Mack

Actor/Comedian/Friend

http://www.steviemack.com

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